Terribly Missing Home & Friends

18th February 2010

Thursday

18th day in Melbourne

Sunny & Chilly

Today i miss home and friends soooooooooooo much.....so many things have happened for the past 1 week...I've collected the keys to my new apartment, went around so many places looking for 2nd-hand goods, traveled miles to meet up with potential supervisors and collaborators...And the outcome? Minn doesn't like the new apartment, can't find a cheap king-single 2nd-hand mattress and bed, no research finalized with anybody at anywhere.....

When i came back home today, I'm in my autistic mood...just kept to myself, didn't feel like having dinner or talking to anyone...I'm really feeling like crying now...there's no family or friends to ask me what's wrong, nobody to ask me if i'm okay and if i wanna talk about it...and this is the exact moment that i really want to have my room in the new apartment..I'm still bunking with Minn's friends and they're her friends and not mine, so naturally they do not have to bear with my autism and i really hate to impose on them. I really needed my space now, to be alone where i do not have to care if there are any people around...so i really want to move out of this rented place and into the new apartment, even if i've to sleep with the sleeping bag, I don't mind...really! For the 1st time, i've realized the helplessness of being alone in a foreign land, with nobody around to help me..and these are also the times when i feel i've made a wrong decision to come to Melbourne. Perhaps I'm really greedy to ask so many things from God and this is the punishments i'm getting..

Lord, I'm really feeling discouraged now! Can you show me a way out? I'm really tired to doing everything myself with no help at all! There're times when i feel that i really needed someone to guide me, and there's just no one out there and i feel fear of carrying on walking this path. All these uncertainties are not what i've expected...Maybe i was too optimistic in the beginning.